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Shame Matters: Attachment and Relational Perspectives for Psychotherapists

Editor : Orit Badouk Epstein

Reviews and Endorsements

Written by a diverse group of international experts, this book is a much-needed deep dive into the complicated facets of shame. Exploring the impact of attachment, dissociation, internalized oppression, the body, and so much more, each chapter offers a unique and illuminating perspective that, taken together, gift the reader with clinically relevant ways to relationally conceptualize and successfully address shame in ourselves and our clients. - Pat Ogden Ph.D. Founder, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, USA.

Shame erodes! The connection between one person and another is particularly vulnerable to the presence of shame. Yet, connection between one person and another also has the capacity to weaken shame, bringing opportunities for self-curiosity, self-exploration, self-growth, relational bonding and genuine intimacy. Long ignored as an emotion of therapeutic import, shame is now understood to be central to all aspects of the therapeutic process, not least the ruptures and repairs crucial to traverse for successfully therapy. This book explores with dedication and creativity the importance of shame in human relationships, especially those centring around therapy. Like shame, this book matters. Therapists of every persuasion will benefit from absorbing its content and those they work with will grow as a result. Martin Dorahy, Ph.D. Professor, School of Psychology, Speech and Hearing, University of Canterbury, Christchurch, New Zealand.


As the title of this most important book accurately indicates, and as its contents abundantly show, shame matters a lot in mental health and social relationships. In essence, shame involves the experience that something is wrong with us, which in daily life may enable us to to take responsibility for our actions which may have harmed our relationships, in order to reach repair and restoration of what was harmed. However, what this book brings painfully home is how utterly damaging chronic shame is for shamed persons and their ability to relate. Chronic shame, with its pervasive sense of humiliation, most often starts in insecure attachment relationships in early childhood. The contributors to Shame matters not only painfully testify about this usually hidden but intense suffering, but also convincingly show that repair is possible: in relationships, such as attachment-focused psychotherapy, geared toward the development of secure attachment and to the restoration of the shamed person's dignity. This book is a must-read for psychotherapists and other mental health workers, but I hope that other people involved in significant relationships, such as partners, parents, teachers, administrators, will also be influenced by its essential message. - Onno van der Hart, Ph.D. Emeritus Professor of the Psychopathology of Chronic Traumatisation, Department of Clinical and Health Psychology, Utrecht University, Utrecht, The Netherlands.