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When Mothers Talk: Magical Moments and Everyday Challenges from Birth to Three Years

Author(s) : Ilene S. Lefcourt

Reviews and Endorsements

Ilene Lefcourt’s When Mothers Talk is a treasure - an original, creative window into the experiences of mothers, babies and toddlers. Her first book, Parenting and Childhood Memories, was full of parent-infant stories that beautifully illustrate how parents come to have deep empathy for their children and for themselves. Now she invites us into the intimate talk among mothers – the pleasures, the stresses, and the awakening of childhood memories - fairy godmothers, witches, and good enough mothers. This new book reveals solutions that different mothers find to everyday stumbling blocks. Bravo!
Beatrice Beebe, Ph.D., clinical professor of Psychology in Psychiatry, College of Physicians & Surgeons, Columbia University; Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, New York State Psychiatric Institute

Having a child is an extraordinary opportunity for self-understanding and growth. Ilene Lefcourt guides mothers through the maze of reverberations from the past. There is no single way to answer the myriad questions posed by mothers. The most productive and helpful way for a mother to find answers is to walk with peers and find her own path. For decades, Ilene Lefcourt has offered mothers the opportunity to discuss these issues in a protected and caring environment and for each mother to find her own answers.
Every step in a baby and toddler’s development and each difficulty awakens a memory and provides an opportunity to share reflections, learn useful information, and discover explanations of developmental phenomena. What may feel like a failure for a mother may represent for her child a space available for progress, and an opportunity for success. This process may consolidate a child’s sense of self and mother-child connectedness.
In this rich journey, the leader’s gaze sets the course. Like a good fairy, Ilene Lefcourt wonders and questions with mothers. She accompanies, guides, and supports them with confidence in their ability to wonder and question. When Mothers Talk is an opportunity for every mother to take a journey with this exceptional expert leader.
Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern, M.D., pediatrician, child psychiatrist, supervisor at the University Hospital of Geneva, director of the Swiss Brazelton Center

When Mothers Talk is a rare gem to keep close. Ilene Lefcourt integrates decades of scientific research with her insightful empathic imagination to deeply understand everyday mother-baby and mother-toddler interactions. She is able to imagine a baby’s and toddler’s emerging thoughts and feelings that accompany a developing sense of self. This insight into a baby’s developing mind provides a treasure trove of information.
The relationships among women during early motherhood – mommy-friends, resonate with childhood memories and provide a framework for maternal care. Mothers’ personal stories about their friendships add a vital perspective to the challenges mothers encounter and the pleasures they enjoy. "During the first three years of motherhood, not only do mothers nurture their babies’ development, but they themselves change in many ways." Ilene Lefcourt beautifully describes intricate details of this complex process. The readers’ own memories are awakened and lead to new ideas.
Susan Coates, Ph.D., clinical professor, Medical Psychology Columbia University. faculty, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research

Yes, there is an inner world with fantasies and emotions in babies, toddlers, and their mothers! Ilene Lefcourt gives the readers quite a feast revealing this fact, sharing with us her vivid experience leading mother-baby-toddler groups. Her insights don't come from theory, but from real life examples, told in a sensitive way. Thus, she can illuminate aspects of the dyadic emotional life that otherwise could pass unnoticed to parents and readers. Ilene Lefcourt stimulates the internal work of mothers to elaborate emotions, offering a unique understanding of each situation, far from protocols. And she doesn’t shy away from contradictions, accepting that she is walking on the razor’s edge: how to provide comprehension without being judgmental or damping maternal spontaneity? The self-reflective questions help the reader to move from a passive stance to a more active identification with the author’s thinking mind.
Vera Regina J. R. M. Fonseca, M.D., psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, training and supervising analyst of the Brazilian Psychoanalytic Society of São Paulo